the blues just get you. It started last night. Upon going to bed, I started worrying about the future, years into the future based on some comments a family member made. Wondering about "what ifs" and freaking myself out. Stupid stuff. Then I started thinking about my mother's voice and I had a good cry because I miss her something awful. And it's not getting better. That was the beginning of my own huge "pity party" about how tired I am, how overwhelmed, how much I'm craving some quiet time. I finally fell asleep and slept fitfully most of the night.
Today I went into work feeling down but determined not to let it show with my colleagues. I did confide in a couple of friends there and then set about my work day. This week I am not teaching in the classroom. It's my week as literacy coach. So I tried to put things in perspective and get lost in my work. It helped but in quiet moments, the blues reappeared.
It was a busy day. And really, I have nothing to complain about. I have a job I love, wonderful people to work with. A husband who loves me and made a delicious dinner for us. Three great sons who are growing into fine young men. Good friends to reach out to listen to my heart. A safe home. My health and the opportunity to live my passion. Memories to sustain me and people to reflect on memories with. So even though I have nothing to complain about, I still feel down. And I guess that's part of life. Some days are going to be like that, no matter how hard you try to get past the feeling.
4 comments:
{{{Maria}}} The blues are a sad part of life, aren't they? I'm sorry you're down, and I'm so sorry you are missing your Mom something terrible. =( Hang in there, things will brighten up, I promise! Love you!
Sometimes life can be overwhelming, and it will hit you like a ton of bricks. Something will set you worrying, and it just steamrolls. Remember you are loved, really loved, by so many. {{{{{Maria}}}}} Hang in there.
I don't know if it ever 'gets better' - the missing, that is. I think we just get better at dealing with the missing, and it takes a looooong time. I'm so sorry that you had a down day - but I am glad to know that even though you were down, you still knew you were loved. Because you are. So much. {{{{{{Maria}}}}}}
Oh I TOTALLY know how you feel !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you are feeling better.
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