and scattered. Really, there is no reason to be acting this way. I am very blessed to have a loving and healthy family and a secure job. I know that. I have so many blessings in my life. More than so many people in this world. I know that and I am thankful for that. I really am.
I guess I am going through a sort of depression. I am nearly done with my masters program. Two more months to go. Eighteen months of it behind me with only 5 week long breaks. I am glad it's almost over but the weight of finishing it and putting together my portfolio seems very heavy.
Work is overwhelming. I've decided I don't like teaching every other week and coaching teachers the other weeks. Too much inconsistency in my teaching. I don't feel as connected to the kids as I want to be. It's not my best teaching and that depresses me.
I'm struggling with staying on track with my weight goals. I gained back the bit that I had lost before Vegas. I'm not feeling so motivated. Feeling down makes me want to eat more junk.
I'm feeling guilty as well. Tuesday is the second anniversary of my mother's passing. My nephew called last week to see if I was going to plan something to commemorate it. Last year the whole family went to Mass together and then had a luncheon at my brother's home. This year I didn't plan anything because I would rather just be alone in my sadness. But I feel guilty because I never got back to my nephew and he called again today and spoke to my husband about it. I should have done something. I'm just not feeling sociable or like being around a bunch of family right now.
I know I am in a funk because I cancelled my plans to go for a pedicure with my girlfriend today.
Just wanted to check in since it's been a week since my last post.
I know this too shall pass...
5 comments:
You have every right to your feelings about the anniversary of your mom's passing. You don't have to feel guilty about not having planned something, if it's not right for YOU. Take care of your own tender soul right now Maria. I wish you had gone for your pedicure. It might have helped just a wee bit. You are in my heart always, but especially this week. I love you, dear friend.
You have a lot going going on right now, and the fact that you notice you feel overwhelmed is good---kwim? Maybe you can speak with the principal about changing your teaching schedule for next year to provide consistancy for both you and your students.
I can understand why you might not want to plan something to commemorate your mother's passing. If someone else wanted to do so they can--it doesn't always have to be you. Maybe around her birthday you could do something to celebrate your mom's life and her legacy? Even if it's something you do just by yourself to remember and honor her...
You are going through a lot right now. You have a right to your feelings. We all get busy in our lives. I agree with Trish and Marybeth. You should have gone for that pedicure and it is ok not to plan something if you don't want to. It doesn't have to be you doing the planning all the time. Just do what you feel is in your heart.
Also taking time for ourselves is very necessary to give us that good feeling that we all need from time to time. Gives us a little boost to help us through our days.
Hi Maria,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling bad right now. I lost my Mom in 2001 very suddenly and I know of this pain. I agree with everyone, go ahead and take care of yourself right now. You have alot on your plate so do something for you. Take care.......
I'm late stopping by, but I hope the sun is starting to come out for you some, Maria. Trish is absolutely right - you have every right to feel this way. And it was very brave of you to share it on your blog. I hope things are starting to look up, and that you end up having a good week.
{{{big hugs}}}... Take care :)
Post a Comment