Sometimes you feel sad even though you know you are blessed more than millions of people on this Earth. After all, I have a warm home, plenty of food and clothes, my health, a loving husband, good and healthy sons, a granddaughter who is adorable and smart and loving, a job that I am passionate about, good friends, a car that works, and the ability to read. More than many, many people in this world. And I have faith in a God that loves me more than I will ever be deserving of.
But today, I am sad. And those of you who "know me", can probably predict why I'm sad. It's the holiday season and my parents are no longer with me. Dad's been gone since 1999, and Mom died in February 2006. And Christmas without Mom doesn't really feel like Christmas. I think that this is the time of year that I probably miss her the most. I think about her every single day, but my heart hurts so much during this season. I will bake her cookies, buy the Advent calendars for all her grandchildren as she did. I'll light the Advent candles every Sunday evening and play the Christmas music. I'll buy the German food for Christmas Eve. But most of all, I know that I will spend some quiet evenings sitting on the couch looking at the tree after everyone has gone to bed. I'll put my iPod on, tune in to the "Oma's favorite Christmas music" playlist, and take time to remember the Christmases of my childhood. The magic, the love of my parents. And I will be sad, but most of all, I think I will wind up feeling grateful. Grateful for the memories, the love, and the sense of family my parents instilled in me.
5 comments:
Your mother would be very proud of you today. I'm sure she's looking down on you with a huge smile on knowing she did such a wonderful job on a fine daughter. {{{{Maria}}}}
Maria,
I'm sorry that you have lost both of your parents. That would be very hard for anyone. My Mom died a few years ago and I still miss her. I think holidays are the worst for missing the ones we loved who have passed. Hugs to you across the country.
Keeping old traditions going, and spending time with your memories, will keep your parents close to your heart during the holidays. Try not to be too sad, though, Maria. Let your boys and your granddaughter see joy and laughter during the holidays so that those will be their memories. (but I know it's hard when the loss is recent) Love you!
Maria, your post really touched my heart. I know you miss your parents so much and I'm sad for you this holiday season for that reason. Remember, though, that you are carrying on their traditions, passing on the love they gave you and making special memories with your own children. Your parents will live on in the rituals and traditions that you are honoring. They would be so proud of you.
Ooh, I'm so sorry that you've lost both of your parents. I lost my mom over 5 years ago and Christmas is still an especially hard time for me. My dad is still with us, although 84, and I know he won't live forever. I'm so glad you find joy in other things and have things to remember them by :) It does help, as does time. It never really goes away, though, does it?
{{{hugs}}}
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